When we are in the midst of motherhood and the crazy day to day stuff that we call life, it is hard to step back, put things in perspective and remember the true blessings that our children are. I'll admit.....I often forget those feelings I had when I 1st fell in love with each of my children when they were born.....when they were handed over to me by their birthmom.....when we were blessed with the opportunity and responsibility to raise these babies and teach them about life....when WE were blessed.....to raise them as a mother AND a father....to give them something that they were all 3 missing! The insight that these 3 young mothers had is one of the most amazing gifts I think I've ever witnessed anyone possessing in my entire life. I mean, really, to be able to know at the young ages of 19, 20 and 21....to be able to know how important it is for their child to have a daddy.....not just a "father", but a daddy!! To know what role that "daddy" would play in their child's life.....to know how their child would NEED that "daddy"....to know how the "daddy" would need their child....it's just amazing!!
A couple days ago when I was searching for a specific Baby Einstein DVD for Maddix that we haven't used since Zoey was a baby, I came across a DVD that was given to us by Ayden's birthmom Crystal. It was a video that she had made of the 5 days that she had in the hospital with him after he was born and before he was placed with us. There were happy moments when she and her sister and her mom were admiring how cute Ayden's little hands and feet were or how he made funny faces that looked like a turtle.....and there were sad moments when the reality of what she was doing would sink in and all she could do was cry....and more sad times when she realized that she was changing his diaper and was dressing him for the last time. Those were brutal moments and hard to watch. But as I sat there with tears in my own eyes watching her hurt, I realized what a treasure this was and how much Ayden will appreciate this DVD one day when he can see how much he was truly loved and how hard of a decision she had to make! The part of the video that had a huge impact on me was when Crystal's mom asked her why she chose adoption......with tears in her eyes, Crystal responded that she and the father were just friends and she never believed that a child should be from a split home....so she wanted to give him a family that he could be eternal with.....and she wanted to give him a mom AND a dad that would support him and love him....and that although she loved him, she wanted to give him a better life than she could give him! All I can say to that is WoW...and aMaZinG!!!
That is one of the most wonderful things about adoption to me.....these birthmoms that choose adoption and choose a family to raise their baby.....the wonderful thing is that there isn't a doubt in my mind that a birthmom can't be a good mom....or that they can't love a baby enough! But for them to have the strength to do something so completely and utterly heartbreaking.....and even impossible to most.....for them to do that at such a young age is amazing and inspiring and responsible and loving and mature!
I love it when I get on my adoption "highs"....when I remember and realize how so very blessed we have been to be given the opportunity to raise 3 of the most AMAZING kids that we could've ever asked for! What a privilege!! What a blessing! How lucky are we?!?! I love it when I think that way! And I hate it when I forget those things.....when I get so wrapped up in the chaos and the "work" that is involved with being a mother to young children and when I lose my patience and when I miss the moments that should be celebrated because I'm too busy dwelling on the moments that are hard.....I hate the times that I think like that! Life is too short. It's too short to not continue to appreciate....even when things get hard and challenges come our way. It's too short to not live in the moment....cuz like we always hear...."you will miss this one day" and "you never know what tomorrow will bring"! So true....and when my "one day" and my "tomorrow" come, I want to make sure that I can look back with no regrets....and that I can feel so good about the life that I gave to EACH one of my 3 miracle babies and that I will be able to proudly look my Heavenly Father in the eye one day and He will tell me "job well done" raising the 3 children that He placed into our lives! That is my goal......and I will do everything I can to reach it!
And when the days get hard and I feel myself "forgetting" the joy, appreciation and love that I felt for each baby when I first set eyes on them, that is when I will remember these inspiring words that I read from a blog I follow......
"Carry on brave mother whose life isn't perfect. Carry on brave mother whose heart may hurt. Carry on brave mother whose kids are struggling right now and she's fighting for their hearts. Carry on brave mother who feels all alone. Carry on brave mother who has had no sleep and yet has a full day of work to do. Carry on brave mother who worries about money and bills. Carry on brave mother who is just simply tired. Carry on brave mother not for how perfect your life is but rather for how perfect it is that you have the bravery to keep on going.
Carry on.
One foot. In front of the other. After another. After another.
Carry on brave mother."
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